Thursday Matthew was sick, and Friday I only worked 5 hours because he still was not feeling good. Then we had the weekend, and now today we are snowed in. (Please see my previous post for proof.)
My heart is to be a Mom, first and foremost. I day dream about the day that I don't have to be at a job Monday through Friday. A day when maybe I can be that Mom that has lunch with her son at school once a week, or comes and helps in the classroom. Maybe even the kind of Mom that could at least give home school a try, plant a garden, and cook a good home cooked meal at night.
God helps me everyday with the kind of Mom that I have to be right now. He is the one that gives me energy to get through my work day and then come home and take care of Matthew and our home. He is the one that gives me wisdom on how to manage the money He provides, and grace to keep on going during the hard weeks... and they do come sometimes, but then sometimes I get a taste of being 'at home'... like the last 5 days, and it totally stresses me out. I'm wondering if anyone out there can relate. I think I get stressed out because I want to make the best out of it,, and who knows.. maybe if I am 'perfect-time-managing-stay-at-home- mom' then God will grant it to me, but then I don't end up enjoying it. Someone please tell me that I'm not a complete spaz? I mean, don't get me wrong, we've really had a good time. I enjoyed actually getting to take a nap on Thursday, the house is clean, I painted a painting on Sunday, and today we walked to the park and went sledding. I guess the stress hits me when all is done, Matthew's occupied with his friends, and I don't have anything 'to do'. Man, I guess I just really need to learn to RELAX!!
I think I'll grab a book, curl up on the couch, and just chill....... and that's okay... right?
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4 comments:
I can totally relate. I want to be a stay at home mom, but when I am at home, I feel like I'm not good enough at being at home. (If that makes any sense.) I don't know for sure, but I think maybe it's something you have to adjust to. Maybe you have to find some kind of routine in it. That's what I tell myself anyway.
This is an age old battle of the brain that also gives the enemy a chance to play mind games with you.
It is awesome to work and have the flexibility that you have to get off early. You also can't judge your abilities as a stay at home mom when you are home with a sick child.
First of all if you were a SAHM you wouldn't be home worrying about what work is waiting for you and how you are going to make up for the money you aren't making because you aren't there. Second when you become a SAHM you will have a different list of responsibilities you will be responsible for.
Stop not feeling like you are worthy!! Don't make me come to Georgia!! LOL I Love You!!
Starr I know EXACTLY what you mean. When I first became a stay at home mom, I was so attacked that I couldn't see straight. What made it worse is that Darin was right there with me. I felt so guilty that I was not bringing in money or working outside of the home that I started taking in other people's children. This was not God's idea but mine. Well, all the kids I got were so hard to take care of - they cried all the time, were demanding, etc. One kid expected me to NEVER put him down. His Mother told me that his grandmother even held him while she used the rest room! Another kid was brought to me each morning with coffee in his bottle. He was 2 and his mother (who was a NURSE) said he "couldn't get going in the morning without his coffee." When the caffeine hit him he was a MONSTER! (I had to tell her I refused to take him in any longer after just 4 days!) One kid was so over weight that I tore my rotator cuff in my shoulder (both shoulders actually) and I still suffer for it today.
I say all that to say that once we both wised up to what was happening (I took us SEVERAL years mind you, we trusted God and I started actually doing what He called me to do which was to stay at home and home school my boys. Peace came.
BUT there are days when we seem not to like each other, we get stressed, etc. It is not easy to be an at home Mother, but it is so rewarding.
So I want to encourage you today Starr, that you are in God's Will and He is guiding and directing your steps. Say no to the attacks that come when you are at home. Yes it is OK to read a book and relax. It IS stressful at times and that does not mean you are doing something wrong, it is just life getting to you. You are a terrific Mom and I know God is pleased with You!
Yep. Rest, rest, rest, rest, rest, rest, rest. Stillness is okay with our Daddy. That's my two cents :)
God loves you! That's what I remind myself when the devil starts creepin' me.
I love you.
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