Fear of Disappointment

Anyone out there scared of hope or scared of wanting something and the chance of not getting it?
I know that one of the things God wants me free from that has been really hard for me is the fear of disappointment-- this fear will always keep us from hoping and believing for God's best for our lives. This fear will keep us living in mediocrity and thinking that it's just the way things are. This fear causes us to grow frozen when a desire in our heart explodes out and we can't seem to get rid of it. This fear results in much frustration when there is something God wants us to hope for, but we result in fighting against that something because we don't want to be disappointed.

Blah! I HATE this fear. I hate it that on some days I feel like this fear owns me. I hate it that I know that there are things God has called me to hope for, but this fear causes me to give those things up at times.
Isaiah 43: 23 says: "Then you will know that I am the LORD; those who hope in me will not be disappointed."
I sometimes wonder how much God's people are missing out on because we don't believe Him and trust His word.
Yes, we have all seen disappointment, and I know at times I have blamed the Lord for mine, but based on His word-- we do NOT find disappointment in Him when we are willing to Hope in Him.

In Isaiah 54 vs 4 the Lord says "Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood."
Prior to this verse he asks a person to expand their tent pegs knowing that they had no family to put in this tent. God was asking for hope, a hope that even birthed action in one way or another.
I know that God has asked me to hope, and the action in standing with Him in this hope is prayer-- that is the tent that will make room for his promises and His expansion in my life. Is there risk-- only risk that things won't end up exactly like 'I' have determined, but that risk is minimized when I find that He is my guarantee. I have a guarantee in His goodness, in His love, that He does what He says He is going to do, and that those that Hope in Him will not be disappointed.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, and I don't like being sick, but I would much rather be sick for a time, and believe God then ignore His voice and miss out because of fear!!!!!!
I also know that He is so good to help us in our waiting and hoping, to send His words of encouragement and peace on the journey. He has compassion and knows that some things are really scary to believe for, and has sufficient grace to help us to stand.
My good friend Jessi said to me yesterday 'if he cares about what you will eat and what cloths you will wear how much more the ache of your heart'. I am so thankful that He does care and that He won't disappoint. I'm also thankful that no matter how hard I have tried to push hope away that He continues to bring it back up again-- even through my kicking, screaming, and fighting.

Today I choose to hope.

Psalm 130:7 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.
Psalm 147:11 the LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.
Proverbs 13:12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs 23:18 There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.

Black Friday-- I mean Thanksgiving is coming!!

Why do they call it Black Friday anyways? I have no idea!


Well, I have been super excited about this Thanksgiving primarily because of the day after-- turkey's good people but discounted electronics is exciting too!





Right now the plan is to camp out at Best Buy with my Pro Best Buy Camper Friend Brandy. Now I haven't had the privilege of joining her in this adventure yet, but that is the plan for this year. I have been scrimping, saving, and studying up for the grand purchases of one of these


or any good digital camera, because I am one of the only Americans who does not have one.


And I want one of these


BUT I don't know much about digital cameras or laptops.
Any advice? Which ones would you recommend? What do I stay clear of? What is a 'must have' when it comes to digital cameras or laptops?

I would so appreciate any expertize you may have.
We've only got a couple of weeks left, and I would love to testify afterward of the great deals I find via post on my new laptop (including pics from my new digital camera (thank you Jesus)) later in the month.

I didn't want to wake up this morning!

I had this dream last night that is completely distracting me today!!
In my dream there was this man and he was totally in love with me. I mean like REALLLLY in love with me, and I loved him too. It was just such a feel good dream! (Nothing dirty peeps- keep your head out of the gutter.)
I have never been loved the way I was loved in this dream, except by Jesus, of course, and I just want to think about it and think about it, because it was so fun being with this person. I feel lost in lala land.
Can anyone relate? How much do your dreams distract you? How much focus or thought do you put into the dreams you have? I believe God can give a person dreams; How do you determine whether a dream is from God or not?

Out of the Darkness

I have a testimony of the Lord's goodness everyday. He has truly been so good to me, but today I would like to take you back to the testimony of 1998.

This testimony is about a young lady, not yet 18 years old. A girl with bleach blond hair, and empty blue eyes. This girl is about as far from God as a girl could be: strung out on drugs and in a very unhealthy relationship. She's on a bus heading south alone. She left school 4 credits from graduating, and a family that loved her. With only $15 in her pockets, and a backpack full of cloths she stepped onto the Grey Hound of Escape. She was leaving for 'love'. A counterfeit love, but still the only love she new.
How could she be found? She was so far from the light, so far from truth. How could any good come out of such rebellion?

Psalm 139:
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

So far from home, and so far from truth, this little girl (trapped in a young woman's body) would find her salvation.
John 1: 46"Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?" Nathanael asked. "Come and see," said Philip.
Can anything good come from a little girl running away from home and school? Can anything good come from someone choosing to heap themselves in drugs to escape? Can anything good come from two men robbing a mans house? 'Hmmm, where did that come from?' you ask.
In the depths, a Hand reached down through a door that was opened through the most unlikely circumstances. Two men robbing a house resulted in an invitation to church. Much could be said about the details of this story, but we shall keep it simple for the testimony bares witness regardless. Needless to say even in the midst of wrong company God came down to save.
The Sunday following the robbery that young girl walked into a place she had never known before, actually even more then that, an atmosphere she's never felt before. She walked into a church filled with the presence of God. She could not comprehend the raised hands, the smiles or tears on other faces, or the elaborate songs of praise coming out of so many mouths.
She didn't know why, but she wanted to weep, either that or run-- how could one take in such a presence-- such a presence of love. Is this how it was suppose to feel?
A call was made for changed life, for forgiveness, for salvation. She felt the ropes of love pulling her to stand-- and up she went, but immediately she sat back down.--- 'I don't need this' she thought, 'I'm fine'. As the pastor continued to pray and the rest of the church interceded for the girl that showed such a struggling desire for Jesus, He pulled tighter-- rapping her in His love-- who could resist? She couldn't, and on that day (May 24, 1998) salvation came out of the darkness, and she was never the same again.

I think sometimes we all need a reminder of exactly how big our God is. He is not held back by the darkness of this age. The people that we fear cannot be reached I can guarantee that He can reach them. I know for a fact because He found this little girl, named Starr, in the most unlikely place, and reached down DEEEEEEEP to rescue her!!!

Honesty Blog

Thanks Theresa for voting me in on one of your Honest Webloggers.

10 Honest things about me:
1. I've eaten cat food before when I was little.
2. I have never been out of the country.
3. I'm scared of small spaces, and often have dreams that I'm in a room with a really small door that I'm scared to go through.
4. I was not born in a hospital, but at home in my moms bed.
5. I am an artist-- though it makes me really uncomfortable to call myself that.
6. I love sneezing!!
7. I absolutely hate doing the dishes, which may be because I've been doing them since I was 5.
8. Part of me wants to speak on a stage someday, but a big part of me really doesn't.
9. I have a dream of being proposed to on a hot air balloon someday-- if you guys ever meet my future husband drop him a hint.
10. I cry almost everyday on my way to work while listening to worship music in my car. (fyi: it's not like a weeping sob, but really more like I just tear up)

Letters Passed Through Prison Bars

Many of the people in my life are going through hard times right now; in fact 'hard times' may be an understatement. Just last night I heard two of my dear friends describe this time as sitting in a room with all the lights turned off-- grasping walls for the light switch, but one thing else was acknowledged- we are not in that room alone, but the Lord sits in there with us; seeing things that only He can see.(Psalm 139:12 even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You.) He is there making sure that all ends result to His Glory.
One thing that has amazed me, as seeing these sisters go through the dark, is the encouragement that has still been overflowing out of them even in the midst of their 'chains for Christ'. I have watched a set of 'Pauls' continue to reach out of their own circumstances (their own prisons) and still choose to be a light to others that may even appear to be in the same darkness.
I have heard them say things that so closely match the words of Paul:
Phil. 1:3 I thank my God every time I remember you. 4 In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5 because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
7 It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. 8 God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.
I am so thankful that none of us are in places where we cannot be encouraged or hugged by each other, and even more thankful that in the midst of chains and darkness some are still willing to stand and hope-- even regarding other's chains.
The Lord has really been ministering to me that in this place, as hard or dark as it may seem, that there is treasure to be found, and still a light to shine-- His light.
My heart for this post is primarily to exalt the Lord in ALL His goodness, and to thank Him for how greatly He is shining out of the people He has so graciously placed in my life, but I also want to say thank you to all of those that have chosen to be like Paul, and in the midst of their own chains to reach out to others and still allow the Lord to use them!! Your reward will be great!!

Colossians 1:10 And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, 11 being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully 12 giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.


Timothy 4:7 You are fighting the good fight, you are finishing the race, you are keeping the faith. 8 Now there is in store for you the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to you on that day—and not only to you, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

Lord, Thank you that sorrow may last a night, but Your joy comes in the morning. Thank you for what You are developing in Your people as they are being refined by You, and thank you that You never give us more then we can handle-- that You always bless us with the correct measure of grace and faith for whatever You are having us walk through. Lord, fill those that are in the dark places today with Your Holy Spirit light. Help us to continue to hope and continue to love. Guard our hearts from bitterness and our minds from despairing thoughts. Bless those that have chosen to continue to walk in compassion and be used by You even in the places where they may feel like they have nothing to offer. Let me, God, be one of those 'Pauls' that are willing to reach through my darkness (prison bars) with a letter of hope, peace, and encouragement.
In Jesus' Mighty Name-- SO BE IT !!!!!!!

I'll praise You while it's raining.
I'll trust You while it's raining,
Because the suns going to shine again!!!!

Conversation with God

So, I was talking to the Lord this morning about how it seems that single Godly men are few and far between. (Now if you happen to be one of the few single Godly men that know me, do not take this personally, but take a look around you, do you see many others?)

Okay, so back to my conversation with the Lord. I was just kind of pointing out to Him that there didn't seem to be a big crowd of available good men around, And so you know what I felt like the Lord said to me:
"You only need one Starr."

There is hope! Thank you Jesus!!

I guess this short post will expose my desire for a husband, which, by the way, must have been put there by the Lord because 2 years ago I wouldn't even had considered it.

9 Year Old Boys like Girls..... WHAT?????

Okay, someone hand me a paper sack. I've been on the verge of hyperventilating for the last couple of weeks now!!

4th Grade is a whole new world, and the fact that I have never been a boy before seems to be keeping me at a disadvantage.

I would like to confess that I thought it was girls that start noticing boys young, I didn't see this coming. I didn't know that 'my' son would care yet.
Why God? WHY ME?--------- in a whiny pitiful voice.

Now, to my sons defence, he is not doing anything bad--- well, except for last week when he was hollering at the girls on the bus to 'call him sometime' in his new 'cool kid' voice.
(I wish I could take a picture of the look on my face right now-- I'll describe-- my eyes are really big, with shock and fear, and my eyebrows are squeezed together, in dismay, and I'm frowning.)

Someone out there tell me this is normal. Is it? HUH? HELP ME!!!!!

Okay, deeeeeeeep breath. He's a good kid. He knows about Jesus-- he loves Jesus. He knows that if he's not ready to marry--- which based on the fact that HE IS NINE -- then he doesn't need to be in a relationship-- well, and the fact that he doesn't know what a 'relationship' really means says a lot too.
I asked him yesterday-- What's the difference between being someones friend and being their 'boyfriend'? and he said 'I don't understand the question.'
Nough said...........

He came off the bus on Tuesday all upset because kids were accusing him of liking this girl Taylor-- which he does, but still he was mortified and VERY upset. I asked him ' Are girls a big topic with your friends this year' and he said 'Well mom, last year was all about wrestling with the guys, and playing with bugs, and this year is more about girls.' -- okay-- there's that lump in my throat-- swallow hard-- ughh.
I think the thing that is hard for me is I can tell that this change is effecting Matthew, that he is somewhat confused and doesn't know how to process how he is feeling or manage these new emotions or the new topics that are coming up.
We have been having really good conversation, but I still feel so inadequate as a mom in this area.

To recognize the good:
This has caused me to increase my prayers for my son, and lean on God's truth in His word.
I have seen my son come to me with things that I know some kids don't talk to their parents about.
I've realized the importance of just listening to Matthew.

Well, I just really needed to get that all out. I'm sorry this is such a jumbled up crazy post, but it's all I've got in me right now.

If you feel lead please pray for Matthew and for me.

Thanks!

FYI YUM!!!

To those granola lovers I just wanted to make you aware of this yummy new cereal!! Grab a box now!!

Now I am a cereal mixer. I can eat up to 3 different types of cereal in a bowl at a time. This, my friends, is one of my new favorites.

I also have a zip lock back of it that I bring to work, because it's delicious to just munch on with no milk.

Give it a try and let me know what you think!

Photos to bring in Joy on a Monday

The weekend before last Matthew and I, and a wonderful group of friends, went on a camping trip to Lake Jocassee.

(Sorry the pics are small, I'm having technical difficulties)

Pray for America

This was emailed to me a couple of days ago, and I thought it worth while to post on my page. I'm not always great at committing to a specific time of prayer, but I really felt the call to participate in this. Our prayers are effective, and do move the heart of our God.

II Chronicles 7:14...Pray for our Elections
ONE MINUTE EACH NIGHT....

This is the scariest election We as Christians have ever faced.
From the looks of the polls, the Christians aren't voting for Christian
values.

We all need to be on our knees. Do you believe we can take God at
His word?

Call upon His name, then stand back and watch His wonders
to behold. His scripture gives us, as Christians, ownership of this land
and the ability to call upon God to heal it.

I challenge you to do so. We have never been more desperate than now
for God to heal our land.

2 Chronicles 7:14 : "If my people, which are called by my name shall
humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face and turn from their
wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their
sin, and will heal their land."

During WWII, there was an advisor to Churchill who organized a group
of people who dropped what they were doing every night, at a
prescribed hour for one minute to collectively pray for the safety
of England, it's people and peace. This had an amazing effect as the
bombing soon stopped.

There is now a group of people organizing the same thing here in America.
The United States of America and our citizens need prayer more than ever!!!

If you would, PLEASE take the following step to participate: Each evening at
9:00 PM Eastern Time, 8:00PM Central, 7:00 PM Mountain, 6:00 PM Pacific
, stop whatever you are doing and spend one (1) single minute;
praying for the safety of the United States, our troops, our
citizens, for peace in the world, for wisdom and courage for our
leaders, the up-coming election, and that the Bible will remain the
basis for the laws governing our land and that Christianity will
grow in the U.S.

If you know anyone who would like to participate, please pass this along.
Someone has said, 'If people really understood the full extent of
the power we have available through prayer, they'd be speechless.'
Our prayers are the most powerful asset we have.

God Bless You!!! God Bless America!!!

Matthew the Butterfly Tamer

He Has Me

If I must be moved
Move me by Your wind Lord.

If I must stand
Hold me up with Your strength.

If I must bow low
Let me lay before Your throne.

If I must weep
Catch my tears in Your bottle.

If I must be alone
Be the Presence all around me.

When You have me Father I am safe no matter where I might 'be'.