It's Time to Get Real

It feels like it's been awhile since I've been able to keep up with posting and my blog reading. I appreciate all of those that still sneak over my way though, and miss those that don't.

Things have been rough lately. God's getting me through, but, like the title says, it's time for me to be real about some things.

- I have been using the cold winter weather as an excuse to not work out, eat like crazy, and be lazy, and am completely unhappy with the way I feel physically. I don' think I've gained any weight- thank you Jesus, but I do think I've lost muscle and any kind of tone that I could previously find, but this week is a new week. Yes it's cold outside, yes I just want to lay around doing nothing but eating, but I'm so tired of feeling this way.. so, enough is enough. I've bought myself healthy snacks, am grounding myself from any computer time until the house is cleaned, and am going to work out as soon as I get home from work everyday --- even if it kills--- which it won't. Watch out world--- Starr's coming out of hibernation..

- Another big dramatic thing: this Sunday my son became a Big Brother. My ex-husband's girlfriend had a baby. I know, Wow! Now, I've had some months to wrap my mind around this and feel everything that I thought I needed to feel, but a few new emotions have come up the last couple of days. I know that I don't want to be haveing his baby and am thankful that the Lord set me free from an unhealthy marriage, and a broken covenant, but it's still weird to me that there is this whole other 'family' that includes my son, but doesn't include me. Matthew has been so excited about his little sister, and I have been so happy for him. It's just sad to me that he has this amazing new person in his life, that he loves, that I'm not a part of. I've always been excited about the day that I get to see Matthew as a big brother; reading his sibling a book, or holding him or her, or helping him or her learn to walk, but all this is happening without me. I know that God has amazing plans for us, but right now it seems like his life with his dad is more complete, and ours is still broken. I feel the Lord working on my heart, reminding me of His promises to Me and Matthew, and laying His love upon me, but I guess somethings we just have to feel even if we don't want to. I guess it's just another weird dynamic to a split family. I am really proud of Matthew, and it has been a blessing to see the way he lights up when he talks about his little sister, and how excited he is when he gets to go and see her. I guess I do get to partake of some of Matthew stepping into this new role, it's just not what I had pictured, but again, I'm just being real.

-On a whole other topic, I'm suppose to lead a study this Thursday. It's really crazy to me how the Lord always sets these things up at the times where we feel like we have the least to offer. I guess that leaves Him getting all the glory, and us, hopefully, in the end having the testimony that He is in us, and that we know His voice. I am really praying that God would use me to be a blessing and a light right where I'm at even though it doesn't seem like the most beautiful of places, but I guess He is the Master of turning something not so good into something amazing--- at least that's what I've seen Him do in me!

Well, sorry for the crazy jumble post, but it's all I've got in me tonight.
May God richly bless you, and meet with you right where you are at!