Parenting Question

If there was a neighborhood kid that your child was friends with, but at times this child was mean or manipulative to your child, but your child still wanted to play with this kid, would you allow him/her too?
At times this child seems to be Matthew's best friend, but then his mood will switch about what seems to be nothing and he's not his friend anymore, until he gets bored and wants to play again. I've explained to Matthew that he needs to ask for an apology and tell this kid to either be his friend all the time or not at all, but Matthew says this kid gets mad easily and it won't solve anything. He also wants to keep a friendship with this kid as they are neighbors. I don't feel like talking with his parent would be good, but it's getting really exhausting. I really care about the neighborhood kids, especially this one, but I'm really at my whits end with the drama this is bringing and the constant rejection my son is receiving. I know that my son is not perfect and am sure at times he may be the one that causes the problems, but I think on majority it seems this kid will just be having a bad day and letting it out on my kid.
What would you do?

Hunting Island, SC

Friday Matthew and I and a group of great friends went to Hunting Island, SC for a camp trip. I have never been here before. It is such a beautiful island. I hope to someday return.

Matthew caught at least 7 crabs and name them all Larry. Not quite sure why.











The light house was beautiful! We walked the 175 steps to the top, and it was so worth it!!


The beach was pretty cold with the wind blowing, but Matthew still wanted to walk in the water... he's such a boy!
I LOVE palm trees and this island was covered in them!!

Here is Matthew eating up the sunshine at the marshlands.
Here is some beautiful church ruins we stopped at on our way home.
I probably took over 300 pictures on this 3 day trip, but it was just so beautiful and fun. It was so hard to put together this post because I wanted to post them all.

Just Stopping By

Hi Friends, I'm going on a short vacation, and am so looking forward to the rest, relaxation, and rejuvenation.
Me, Matthew, and some friends are heading to Hunting Island, SC for some fun in the sun and some camping.
I'll post some pictures when I return.
Thanks for all your prayers and words of encouragement regarding my last post. God is good, and I truly believe He is going to use this weekend to bless me and Matthew and give us some much needed good times together.

Singletonville 'The Hard Days'

Okay, 3 times I have typed something. 3 times I have deleted what I typed. All times I tried to type something that maybe could sound intelligent, or balanced, or spiritual, and I'm not there today. Today was hard. Yesterday was hard. Lately, I've really felt like I just need some help, I don't know what exactly that would look like, but that has been my hearts cry: 'God will you please help me?' Parenting is hard! Parenting alone is hard! I feel like I can't catch up to where my son is at. He's 9 going on 20, and the responsibility is on me. Right now I don't know what I'm doing.
Can I just confess that I worry that I will become one of those woman with a constant scowl on her face, with frown marks, and a constant harsh voice; one of those woman that people say-- yeah, you can really tell that she's had a hard life.
I want to be light and happy, one of those woman that brings light into a room when she enters, but right now I have to be the disciplinary. I have to be the strong independent woman... when I've honestly been okay with being the house wife, that was vulnerable, and in need of a big strong man, but today I have to wear the pants, and I'm sorry, but I'm not happy with that. Today, I'm mad at the evil in this world, and the expectations that it tries to place on me. I don't want to be defined as a 'single mom' and I know that I am so much more then that, and that God has been so good to me, but today, I just need a little extra grace, and maybe to be carried just for a little bit, and then I'll walk it out............ Promise.

The Diary Of Our Cat Luke

Day 983 of my captivity...

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nugget. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.................

(This was sent to me from my friend Jennifer Benson, I'm not sure who 'really' wrote this, but I know I will never look at my cat the same again!)

What's Been on My Mind This Week?

This question was asked in another blog that I read, and really helped me to digest my thoughts. So I decided to copy those here.

My List:
-teaching this Thursday about Self Confidence vs. God Confidence

-my upcoming camping trip to Hunting Island, SC

-my trip with my Mom out West in May

-taking my thoughts captive, and not being consumed with wanting a husband

-the way the Lord loves me

-being positive and not thinking negatively

-the beautiful weather, and how thankful I am for Spring!!

-wanting to be free to teach the way God wants me to even though I don't fit a mold, well, I guess I fit His and that's all that matters!.. FREEDOM!

-getting my son the Superheroes Bible, and a book light

Let me know what's been on your mind this week, and feel free to go over to Theresa and tell her too.

By His Side

Today I choose to not strive, but to rest in the Lord. I'm tired of fighting against this season when there's so much beauty here if I'll only look up. He's here and He's all I need.

He is truly right by my side, and there's no better place to be.

Can anyone relate?

Thursday Matthew was sick, and Friday I only worked 5 hours because he still was not feeling good. Then we had the weekend, and now today we are snowed in. (Please see my previous post for proof.)
My heart is to be a Mom, first and foremost. I day dream about the day that I don't have to be at a job Monday through Friday. A day when maybe I can be that Mom that has lunch with her son at school once a week, or comes and helps in the classroom. Maybe even the kind of Mom that could at least give home school a try, plant a garden, and cook a good home cooked meal at night.
God helps me everyday with the kind of Mom that I have to be right now. He is the one that gives me energy to get through my work day and then come home and take care of Matthew and our home. He is the one that gives me wisdom on how to manage the money He provides, and grace to keep on going during the hard weeks... and they do come sometimes, but then sometimes I get a taste of being 'at home'... like the last 5 days, and it totally stresses me out. I'm wondering if anyone out there can relate. I think I get stressed out because I want to make the best out of it,, and who knows.. maybe if I am 'perfect-time-managing-stay-at-home- mom' then God will grant it to me, but then I don't end up enjoying it. Someone please tell me that I'm not a complete spaz? I mean, don't get me wrong, we've really had a good time. I enjoyed actually getting to take a nap on Thursday, the house is clean, I painted a painting on Sunday, and today we walked to the park and went sledding. I guess the stress hits me when all is done, Matthew's occupied with his friends, and I don't have anything 'to do'. Man, I guess I just really need to learn to RELAX!!
I think I'll grab a book, curl up on the couch, and just chill....... and that's okay... right?

Winter Finally Hits in March

I went to church this morning with just a sweater on. When I left it was pouring down rain and then:


This weather is truly unpredictable!
It's still coming down, and looks like it's at least 3 inches right now. All the kids in the neighborhood are so excited. Unfortunately there are no sleds to be found, and the boogie boards I pulled out of the closet simply don't work as well. I'm sure the kids will figure something out.

We'll see if it all isn't melted away by tomorrow. For the kid's sake I hope not.

Just a Few Tidbits

I really should be washing my face and heading to bed, but just thought I would catch up on some blog reading and write a quick post.

The house is really quiet right now. I've been listening to my son breathing from the other room.. it makes me think of when he was a baby... it still sounds the same to me. He's such a great kid. I am completely amazed by him everyday. I am so thankful for the help the Lord gives me with him. As he's getting older it honestly seems to be getting harder, but I know God's help is always right around the corner.

On a separate note I wanted to let my blog readers know about a quiz that Natalie is doing. Jump over there and post your answers. She's touching on something that I think a lot of people can relate to. I'm excited to see where she goes with this as self image has been a real struggle for me lately.

Okay, I'm so tired that I can't think of anything else to write so I will display a random home video that truly reflects me and my sons love for animals, and my sons intense drama skills that he, unfortunately, gets from me.... we create quit a pair.






No animals were harmed in the making of this video. Promise!! The little bird learned how to fly and is in now living a very happy life somewhere.. we don't know where... but he's fine.. really..... we prayed for the little fellow!

What's been on my mind?

Here is a random list of things that have been on my mind this week:

I have really wanted to make a conscious effort to take better care of myself. I've been spending more time thinking about what I should or shouldn't eat, and how to make time for working out. I've been blessed to have some awesome friends working out with me the last week and look forward to it continuing.

I've been thinking about how blessed I am to have people in my life that care about me. I live about 12 hours away from any family members, and miss them dearly, but have to be the most blessed person in the world to have the circle of people that I have in my life. I don't know how people make it without friends!

I've been thinking of new simple ways to manage my home. I made a schedule for chores for me and Matthew for the week, and so far, it's been a success.

Matthew has been on my mind a lot this week. I've really been seeking the Lord for wisdom and grace, and the Lord has brought it to my attention in many ways that wisdom comes from His word. I've been attempting to spend more time in the word.

Thanks to my friend Lydia, I have been thinking more about how I spend my time each day; working on giving Jesus my day, everyday, and excepting His new mercies and grace every morning that I need so much.

I have been pondering over the meaning of my name... thanks to Victoria. Esther means Starr and also Hidden. I've been thinking about how the Lord does have me hidden in many ways, and how blessed I am that He sees the things in me that others don't and most of the time I don't see either. He sees the inner beauty that I have to offer, and just like Esther it will be seen by others at the opportune time and , I pray, sow a blessing into my life and the people around me. I've been thinking about how Mordecai is a lot like Jesus in that he guided Esther where she was to be, and encouraged her to do things that she never felt she could possibly do. I'm excited about the path that my 'Mordecai, Jesus, has for me.

I've also been having fun planning a trip to Cumberland Island with some of our friends. I am so excited to go somewhere new to explore! I can't wait till March!!

Right now I'm thinking that I don't know that I really like this post... it's kind of boring, and all over the place, but I'm thinking I will post it anyways, and maybe still get some loving, encouraging comments from all those great friends I have :)

Let me know what's been on your mind this week if you would like!

Progression of a Painting

Tonight I finally got some time to listen to some good music with a paint brush in my hand. I really need to make more time in my life for this.
Unfortunately I really had no ideas tonight, and just started with some cheery colors and fun strokes.
I love paint strokes and bright colors. Today was very gloomy out and even though I somewhat wanted to pull out the black I absolutely refused.
Sometimes when I paint I know what I'm feeling or what I'm going for in a painting. Most of the time I don't.
This was definitely one of those times when I simply just wanted to paint and didn't know what was going to 'happen'.
I sometimes wish I wasn't such a thinker. I'm not okay with things that don't have an explanation, but most of the time the paintings that I do just make me feel good. I can't tell you want all of them mean or give you some deep philosophical reasoning behind them. Maybe we all need a nonsense release that maybe makes no since to others or even ourselves but somehow brings praise to the Lord.


The End.

Happy Valentines Day!

Song of Solomon 4:
⁹ You have ravished my heart,
My sister, my spouse;
You have ravished my heart
With one look of your eyes,
With one link of your necklace.
¹⁰ How fair is your love,
My sister, my spouse!
How much better than wine is your love,
And the scent of your perfumes
Than all spices!
¹¹ Your lips, O my spouse,
Drip as the honeycomb;
Honey and milk are under your tongue;
And the fragrance of your garments
Is like the fragrance of Lebanon.
¹² A garden enclosed
Is my sister, my spouse,
A spring shut up,
A fountain sealed.

Thank you Jesus for the way that you love me unconditionally. Thank you for being passionate about me, and seeing the beauty in me even when I cannot. Thank you for protecting and healing my heart with your amazing love! Thank you for pursuing me, My Love!

It's Time to Get Real

It feels like it's been awhile since I've been able to keep up with posting and my blog reading. I appreciate all of those that still sneak over my way though, and miss those that don't.

Things have been rough lately. God's getting me through, but, like the title says, it's time for me to be real about some things.

- I have been using the cold winter weather as an excuse to not work out, eat like crazy, and be lazy, and am completely unhappy with the way I feel physically. I don' think I've gained any weight- thank you Jesus, but I do think I've lost muscle and any kind of tone that I could previously find, but this week is a new week. Yes it's cold outside, yes I just want to lay around doing nothing but eating, but I'm so tired of feeling this way.. so, enough is enough. I've bought myself healthy snacks, am grounding myself from any computer time until the house is cleaned, and am going to work out as soon as I get home from work everyday --- even if it kills--- which it won't. Watch out world--- Starr's coming out of hibernation..

- Another big dramatic thing: this Sunday my son became a Big Brother. My ex-husband's girlfriend had a baby. I know, Wow! Now, I've had some months to wrap my mind around this and feel everything that I thought I needed to feel, but a few new emotions have come up the last couple of days. I know that I don't want to be haveing his baby and am thankful that the Lord set me free from an unhealthy marriage, and a broken covenant, but it's still weird to me that there is this whole other 'family' that includes my son, but doesn't include me. Matthew has been so excited about his little sister, and I have been so happy for him. It's just sad to me that he has this amazing new person in his life, that he loves, that I'm not a part of. I've always been excited about the day that I get to see Matthew as a big brother; reading his sibling a book, or holding him or her, or helping him or her learn to walk, but all this is happening without me. I know that God has amazing plans for us, but right now it seems like his life with his dad is more complete, and ours is still broken. I feel the Lord working on my heart, reminding me of His promises to Me and Matthew, and laying His love upon me, but I guess somethings we just have to feel even if we don't want to. I guess it's just another weird dynamic to a split family. I am really proud of Matthew, and it has been a blessing to see the way he lights up when he talks about his little sister, and how excited he is when he gets to go and see her. I guess I do get to partake of some of Matthew stepping into this new role, it's just not what I had pictured, but again, I'm just being real.

-On a whole other topic, I'm suppose to lead a study this Thursday. It's really crazy to me how the Lord always sets these things up at the times where we feel like we have the least to offer. I guess that leaves Him getting all the glory, and us, hopefully, in the end having the testimony that He is in us, and that we know His voice. I am really praying that God would use me to be a blessing and a light right where I'm at even though it doesn't seem like the most beautiful of places, but I guess He is the Master of turning something not so good into something amazing--- at least that's what I've seen Him do in me!

Well, sorry for the crazy jumble post, but it's all I've got in me tonight.
May God richly bless you, and meet with you right where you are at!

Lord, You Have My Heart

About a year ago I remember being in the shower and this song popping in my head. It was a song that I haven't sung or thought of in a really long time. This song was actually played during communion at my wedding.
Honestly, when this song came in my head, I was like 'what is that doing there?' but the Lord had something He wanted me to see and to know. The song was 'Lord you Have my Heart' by Delirious. For days I had that song in my head.. it was like the Lord was whispering it to me over and over again until I could finally hear His message to me.
That day that I made that covenant to my now ex husband I also made a covenant to the Lord and He, too, made one with me. I remember feeling the Holy Spirit come over me that day as I knelt at the alter worshiping to that song, with the honest desire to have God as Lord over me and my marriage, and for Him to have my heart. My marriage did not turn out the way I thought it would. Some how the enemy came and stole from my husband and stole from me, but for those that choose to fight, that choose to not give up, but to trust the Lord: their hearts remain His. 'My' heart remains the Lords!
Even though that marriage covenant was broken my covenant with the Lord remains strong and eternal. His promise, protection, and unconditional love for me remains. The Lord knew my path. He knew the brokenness that would take place in my marriage, but He had and has a plan, a plan of restoration, a plan redemption, a plan of promise.....
I am so thankful that the Lord has my heart. That I can trust Him with my hurt, and with my desires. I'm thankful for the covenant that He has made with me that is not breakable, but remains no matter when I'm in lack, or when I'm doubting, or when I'm afraid... His covenant love for me REMAINS!!!!
Lord you have my heart and I will search for Yours!!!!!!

Winter Adventures in The South

This has so far been one of those winters that I've been so happy to be in the south. I know we still have a little ways to go before we are safely in Spring months, but so far so good. I would say that we have only had a total of 2 weeks of really uncomfortable cold weather. These are some pics of Matthew and a friend that he found around Christmas time. Apparently his name is Fred.


Growing up in Missouri, I don't think I ever remember finding a lizard in December...... maybe I just wasn't looking hard enough!

Showing My True Colors

So, If I were to lay down all of my insecurities, all my excuses, and all my fears I would be able to call myself an artist, or at list give myself more time for that part of my heart. I don't know why it's so hard to devote the time to something I love. The times that I have chosen to spend my evenings with worship music playing and a paint brush in hand have always ended with more encouragement and something pleasing to look upon... even if only from my view.

I want to learn how to have the habit of art and to come to a place where I'm not disqualifying myself beforehand to create something lovely. That place where I'm free to put on canvas what's on my heart without fear of my own judgements or those of others.


I want to allow my creativity to bless others. I want the freedom to paint something, have a friends name pop in my head, and not hesitate to give them what I've painted.

I want to see this gift develop over time. I want to experience the joy of creating and worshiping my God through painting. I want to not hide my talent!

Thanks Theresa for not letting me hide, and inspiring me to walk out who God has called me to be. To the rest of my sisters in Christ... thank you for excepting me, encouraging me, and loving me!!

The Way We Think

Left and right the subject of 'thought life' has been coming up around me. I really think this is something big the Lord would like me to understand: the way I think matters, the words I say matter, and being positive moves things more then being negative. There is a lie that I have believed for too long: that if I think of the worst thing that could happen- then if it happens I'll be prepared and maybe it won't hurt as bad, and if I don't have high expectations then I'll avoid disappointment. This is backwards thinking and only results in mediocrity of living and fear. The below statement has really helped me to learn how my way of thinking can be changed and in the most simple of terms:

Success or failure in life is created by how you think.
Joshua 1:8 says "...but you shall meditate on the Word of God day and night...for THEN you shall make your way prosperous and THEN you shall have good SUCCESS."


God, renew our minds with your word. Let us Hope and Trust in You. Let us choose to think upon things that are pure, admirable, true, and praise worthy. Let us speak out words that encourage and bring life. Let us build up the people around us and even ourselves. Let us not doubt, but believe. Let us meditate on Your word, and establish it in our hearts and minds. Let our thoughts and words be a sweet smelling aroma to Your throne.

A Post on my BFF

Well, Brandy is leaving in 5 days. It looks like my last day with my dear friend is tomorrow. It has been such a blessing to watch this all unfold and God open doors and work out all the details.
I'm amazed at how stable and focused both her and her husband Brandon have been. They both obviously know that God is leading them.

There is no one that is more cut out for moving across the world to pioneer out into a new ministry with a new baby on the way.
I know that no one is more suited for this then them.
I know that in a months time they will be adjusted to the snow, know there way to the nearest Coffee Shop, and be swallowing, without gagging, foods of all sorts.
I know that God is going to use them in amazing ways, and I know that this is going to be a blessing to their little growing family.
I also know that they will all be greatly missed. I know that I will miss Brandy's phone calls-- just to chat, our random movie nights, and our trips to the coffee shop. I'll miss my shopping buddy who helps me spend more money then I think I should. I'll miss her when I'm shopping for a new couch and she's not with me to talk me into it because she knows that big purchases scare me. I'll miss hearing her tell me I'm thinking too much on those days that I totally am. I'll miss her reading my expressions and knowing when things are not right with me. I'll miss hearing her tell crazy Chloe stories. I'll miss Chloe in the background talking while me and Brandy are discussing the latest 'life news'.
I could probably go on and on. There is so much I could say about my heart toward my dear friend. I'll end it all by saying that I love her to pieces... I'll be happy for her while she's there serving, growing, mothering, wifing, loving, aiming, blogging, singing, teaching and whatever else the Lord puts in her path to accomplish. I'll also be super excited to see her return with her beautiful family, that I know will have grown more in love with one another and with their God!

You are such a blessing to me Brandy. I will be praying for your family, and am so excited about what God has in store for you in South Korea. Oh, and no worries about tomorrow--- we don't have to cry and stuff (unless you want to), we can just give each other a hug and say 'see ya later friend!'

To whom it may concern: I am in the market for a new BFF. You must be planning to stay in the US for at list the next year and be okay with being possible ditched when the old BFF returns. You can attach your resume and contact info in comments, but please know that you have a lot to measure up to. :)

Oh! Everyone go give my girl some comment love, and be sure to check her out as she starts posting on her many South Korean adventures!

Happy New Year 2009!!!

Whether you watched the ball drop on tv(or live at NY), slept in the New Year, or watched fireworks go off with your friends at midnight on New Years Eve, I hope you all truly had a blessed time bringing in 2009.

I absolutely love the New Year. I know that every morning we have a new day-- a new start if we need it, but somethings different about a new year. Something is so magical, exciting, and somewhat scary about not knowing what's coming. I don't have a clue what God has in store for this year, but I want to be expectant of His best and His perfect will in my life being full filled.

I was reading the Word New Years Day and some scriptures stuck out to me that I wanted to share with my on-line friends.
Psalm 1: 2 But his delight and desire are in the law of the Lord, and on His law (the precepts, the instructions, the teachings of God) he habitually meditates (ponders and studies) by day and by night.
This year I have a desire to read the entire Bible and to grow in my knowledge of the Word.
Psalm 9: 1 I WILL praise You, O Lord, with my whole heart; I will show forth (recount and tell aloud) all Your marvelous works and wonderful deeds!
2I will rejoice in You and be in high spirits; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High!
I really hope that my life would be a testimony of the goodness of God to the people around me. I hope that, regardless of my circumstances, that I would live a life of praise and rejoicing in the Lord in 2009.
Psalm 29: 1 Give unto the LORD, O you mighty ones, Give unto the LORD glory and strength. 2 Give unto the LORD the glory due to His name; Worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness.
I pray that in 2009 that the Lord would continue to get all the glory in every area of me and Matthew's lives.

May God truly bless all of you and your families in 2009. May this year bring increase in Love, Health, Prosperity, and knowledge of our Amazing God!